Listening to Radio 1 is often an arduous and unpleasant task for a man with such stubborn and pretentious music tastes, but my respect for the channel was inflated yesterday morning by Nick Grimshaw’s unsubtle slating of Nicki Minaj.
Her illogical and frightening popularity is perhaps the worst thing to happen to women since the Spice Girls called it a day. This is largely down to her flamboyantly sexual lyrics and excessively erotic videos that can be doing absolutely no good for the young women of today who will unfortunately see her as a role model.
So I have decided that because I am as qualified to comment on her lyrics as she is to influence the youth of today, I would take a closer look at her latest single entitled ‘Anaconda’. Rest assured reptile lovers, this song is unlikely to be a tribute to the large limbless beast you all know and love.
Watching the video, you’d be for forgiven for thinking this was some sort of nightmare aimed at any women with even a shred of pride in their gender, but no, this is serious. The video also seems to have very little to do with the subject matter of the song itself. Two major themes can be taken from the song; Miss Minaj’s pride in her “big fat ass”, which I can’t see too much of a problem with, for now at least. The other theme however raises some issues, as it seems to be describing Miss Minaj’s sexual attraction towards murderous drug dealers.
To start, we are greeted with the notion that someone in the possession of an ‘anaconda’ has no interest in a ‘hun’ who hasn’t got ‘buns’. Literally, this can only mean gentlemen who may or may not be supernaturally well-endowed are only interested in women with a large posterior. A huge generalisation at the very least, not mentioning the immediate body issues that this simple opening verse raises. So, off to a questionable start.
The first verse spat by Miss Minaj is an eloquent summary of her admiration for a young man named Troy. I see little reason not to assume young Troy is lucky enough to be a proud owner of an ‘anaconda’ given that the entire first verse is about him and his lucrative lifestyle of drug dealing, which allows him to purchase gifts for Miss Minaj that the regular Grass Snake owner could only dream of. The verse then gets a bit silly when drug fuelled murder is threatened. Take from that what you will kids.
This leads on nastily to the chorus, which, in true Nicki Minaj style, is entirely based around sex and her confidence in how unconventionally attractive her plastic backside makes her. Finishing with the poetic line “Dun duh dun dun dun dun dun”; we glide into the second verse after some light-hearted drivel from Sir Mix-a-Lot, and an ear strangling few lines depicting a jealous competitor exclaiming their forgivable disgust at Miss Minaj’s rear (I may well run out of arse synonyms very soon).
The second verse is a pleasant mixture of the first verse and chorus, a shamelessly sexual description of another drug dealing acquaintance. When describing our new friend Michael, Miss Minaj doesn’t feel the need to continue with the serpent imagery, but instead moves on to towers to describe his colossal manhood. “Dick bigger than a tower, I ain’t talking bout Eiffels”, so we can narrow it down to being bigger than any form of tower, but no bigger than the Eiffel tower. Doesn’t narrow it down all that much but we get the message. The rest of the verse really is such gibberish I won’t be wasting my time looking into it, but the basic jist of it is he deals some cocaine then compares her sexual organs to Romaine lettuce.
Following the second chorus our ears are lovingly invited to listen to some of Miss Minaj’s trademark maniacal laughter and nonsensical rambling. She dedicates the song to her “bitches with a fat ass in the fucking club”; which is blunt but not THAT offensive, however following this up with “fuck those skinny bitches in the club” really does cement her as an unparalleled hindrance to the women of the world.